He's a dapper one, this Patrick.
You may be aware that the cagey cabal of industry insiders comprising the CFDA have collectively loosened up their buttons, so to speak, by declaring one Patrick Janelle the first ever Fashion Instagrammer of the Year.
Not going to lie, yours truly isn’t a “fashion person” by any stretch of the word; I’m way more riveted by the faces on a runway than the threads per se.
That said, Patrick’s incredibly immersive Instagram account – he goes by the deceptively vanilla handle of @aguynamedpatrick– afforded me more amusement than I would care to admit to on a weekday afternoon. (HR folks: I was on IG the whole day for “research” purposes.)
Good on you, Council of Fashion Designers of America, for embracing the power of social media, and good on you, Mr Janelle, for making stylish shots look so effortless.
Here’s a quick pictorial runthrough of the reasons why the self-described Manhattan-based man about town deserves to be added to your curated list of people to follow.
1. HE’LL SATISFY YOUR CRAVINGS FOR NUDE RIRI.
Now that her account’s up in the air (or is that “cloud” in tech-speak), your next best bet for pictures of the punk princess are people like Patrick, who’s right in the thick of the NC-16 action. (Part of his gig involves serving as CDFA’s official Instagram correspondent.)
Presenting an awkwardly de-nippled version of Patrick’s picture of the reigning pop provocateur’s very cough, titillating outfit at the recent CFDA Awards. For those who must know, the very mainstream media-unfriendly gown comes courtesy of American designer Adam Selman.
Encrusted with 216,000 Swarovski crystals – count ‘em! – the chart-topping chanteuse was basically all bling, all body and very little fabric: Really, the only thing covered up about her look was her hair, hidden under a sparkly scarf.
Given Instagram’s robust policing of any remotely racy shots of the woman, it’s a real wonder Patrick’s photograph is still up and running on the social media platform. Maybe it’s “art” when he does it?
2. HE MAKES WORK LOOK WAY TOO MUCH LIKE PLAY.
Curse these creative types and their lot in life! Here’s Patrick, ostensibly “at work” and frolicking in a preternaturally blue pool at a summer retreat for like-minded entrepreneurs.
Only consolation for this bitter kitten holed up in his cubicle at six in the evening? This might be the only opportunity I’ve got to string together the following non sequitur. Brace yourselves for a doozy. Ready? Deep breath: Patrick, that’s a really big swan you’ve got between your legs.
3. THE GUY WEARS GUYLINER AND NO ONE BLINKS.
Rack it up to his rakish sense of ease and sun-bleached sideburns, but I’ve not seen a dude this side of K-Pop pull off eyeliner with that much success. Hurrah for taking one for the team and making makeup sort-of sexy for men everywhere!
4. HE'S A FAB FOOD PORNOGRAPHER.
I don’t suffer food-spamming fools gladly, but Patrick manages to pull off food porn with a sort of polished panache that’s positively palatable.
Best thing about Patrick’s Appetite-worthy portraits of #WhatHeAte? They’re all apparently taken with just an iPhone – meaning no excuses whatsoever for the many poorly lensed plates of greasy nosh out there!
5. HE’S A BONA FIDE PHOTOG, PERIOD.
What makes a good photograph great? See example above: Artistic flair, compelling composition, depth and dimension, lots and lots of flowers. This winner of a shot is precisely why a “like” is in order for Patrick Janelle, ‘nuff said.
Key takeaways for aspiring CFDA Instagrammers? Secure access to scandalous stars du jour, insert yourself in interesting positions (so to speak), eat like there’s no tomorrow, and make it darn sure your pictures turn out pretty.
Time to up your ‘gramming game, folks – and while you’re at it, many thanks in advance for following us as well!
For more information on Patrick Janelle, visit work.aguynamedpatrick.com and follow him on Twitter and Instagram.