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My parents have been married for more than 40 years, and I still wonder how they do it. In a time and age where relationships don’t seem to be a big deal, I hold onto the “old fashioned” belief that marriage is a lifetime commitment. Whether or not you believe in this age-old institution, here are some golden rules I’ve gathered from married couples and science.
RULE ONE: GIVE AND TAKE
Most couples will tell you that this ranks highly on their list in terms of “relationship success”. Studies have shown that couples who are willing to compromise, lead a very happy marriage.
When you expect the other party to give in most of the time, there will be an imbalance of power, resulting in you undermining your partner’s opinion. When that happens, he will feel that his opinions aren’t as important in the relationship, and you will inevitably feel that your opinions matter more. Which shouldn’t be the case in a relationship.
Giving in every now and then is a sign of your commitment to a relationship. You’re showing him that he is special enough, that you are willing to bend the rules once in a while.
RULE TWO: NEVER COMPARE
Have you have ever scrolled through your Facebook feed to find that your friend has just received a branded handbag or ipad as a present from her partner? Or if you found out your girlfriend’s husband paid for their recent holiday to Europe?
If you were filled with envy and texted your boyfriend that so-and-so got a new and expensive gift, you are most probably guilty of comparing.
The reality is that no two relationships are the same. Which is why you should never compare your “lack” of an all-expense paid trip to Europe.
Comparing will only make you bitter, as you are taking the “best” of everyone else’s relationship, and judging it with your “worst”. Over time, this comparing business will lead you to see what your partner cannot give you in a relationship, versus what he actually can. So even if he sends you on a trip to Europe for free, you’re most probably going to find an excuse that your girlfriend’s trip was better.
Do you see the problem here?
RULE THREE: DON’T HOLD GRUDGES
Believe it or not, forgiving your partner and not holding onto grudges has been proven by science to be a crucial factor for happy romantic relationships. Being disappointed by your other half is normal, but even science says it isn’t wise to hold onto that disappointment.
Studies have shown that choosing to forgive (and forget) provides closure to an incident, and sets the stage for reconciliation and better communication. When you hold onto grudges, you are also showing that you don’t trust your partner - since you have a subconscious mindset that he will do it again.
In other words, forgive and forget.
