Not going to lie, we’re sick of soccer shenanigans – and we still have a month to go of this World Cup madness.
The only thing fuelling us through office pantry talk on penalty kicks and advantage rules? Keeping ourselves entertained by side-eyeing the glut of glutes on display.
In no particular order of palatability, here’s a sampling platter of ballers that are driving us batty:
#1. JOE HART, UNITED KINGDOM
This gorgeous goalie is hailed for the magic he wields with his hands – so much so he’s been “handed” the rather unsexy monicker of Safe Hands by the British tabloids. Here’s the Boss Bottled goalkeeper all gussied up in a suit and tie (Hugo Boss, natch). Safe Hands? More like finger-lickin’ good, if you ask us. We’ll be putty in his palms!
#2. KYLE BECKERMAN, USA
Not a conventional pretty boy by any measure, but we do like it rough around the edges every now and then. Kyle oozes a certain caveman charisma: Dirty dreadlocks, generously girthed brow ridge, lean hunter’s bod and all. This is animalistic appeal at its most primal. Just club us over the head and drag us back into your lair, already.
#3. AXEL WITSEL, BELGIUM
This delicious piece of Belgium chocolate is making us feel all gooey inside with his penetrating … gaze. The blue-eyed beau is one seriously spectacular specimen of a man, right down (or is it up) to the tantalising tangle of hair on his head. There’s a whole lot more we could say about Axel’s Afro bush, but there’s only so much raunch we can get away with ...
#4. KEISUKE HONDA, JAPAN
Japan’s driving force Keisuke “Honda” is more of an exotic Maserati, really – fast, furious and fiercely fashionable, if the blogs detailing his sartorial exploits are anything to go by. Hey Honda, you can grease our pipes anytime, you free-wheelin’ hottie, you.
#5. OSCAR EMBOABA, BRAZIL
Presenting our favourite Brazilian baller, just chillin’ in his lime-green Calvins. Hey, don’t judge. Not to come off as defensive or anything, but we’re just keeping an eye on the ball!